Oh hell. I have absolutely no self-control. I have failed Mission 007 'to stop eating sweets' miserably. It was the M&S extra-chocolately caramels that did it, combined with a dull day at work. If that's all it takes...
However, on a lighter note, the new toilet system should be being installed today, which will mean that it's out of the study (where it has been lingering in bits) and hanging on the wall looking, um...pristine, hopefully. Wow. So instead of using a 70 year-old loo to pass my waste, I will be soiling a brand new set of porcelain. Wonder who will get to use it first, the Buckwell or me?
See, I told you earlier that I have an exciting life.
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Saturday, 21 July 2007
Mission 007: Sweet and sour
Well, today I don't really have much to say about anything. My bi-polar moods seem to be getting the better of me. Earlier I was practically ecstatic about the fact that I had posted a Mr Hudson and the Library video on Facebook, and I even took the liberty of stealing Lady Barron's new German word 'fabelhaft,' to indicate how I was feeling.
Now I'm staring out at the clouds steaming ominously across the Crawley sky up towards London (just in time to dump their cargo on the punters knocking off early on a Friday), and I can feel the corners of my mouth creeping downwards. It reminds me of those old women you see on New York buses heading downtown from the Upper West Side, with their perfectly coiffured hair (untouchable), navy Hush Puppies and red lipstick that looks freshly applied, but which is already sliding into the set creases of their permanently disaproving lips. Down, down, down. Their husbands are dead, they have cats called Alfie and Mittens, they huff if a teenager brushes against their arm and their handbags are never without a fresh tissue. Yes, I can feel it happening. I'm becoming one of them, and it's starting with my lips.
I think it's time for chocolate. Mmm. Yes, I thought you'd agree. More Rolos? I had some earlier, just after lunch, which helps explain my super high. And this low too.
So no. Actually, stop right there. Don't you go leading me astray with just one of your more-ish-looking Champagne truffle chocolates that you brought back from Bruges. Because this mission, you see, is all about no sweets. And not only no chocolate, but none of those M&S white-chocolate coated strawberries (which incidentally, I think they've discontinued), no Rolos, no Polos and no chocolate-coated caramels (one of which whipped out one of the Buckwell's fillings out the other evening, cheeky devil). I am going to stop eating sweets and see if it helps my moods.
No confectionary at all for... um, till the end of the month! Lucky it's a weekend, so at least I can have alcohol. Whew.
Where mission was conceived: Aaaaaaastral Towerrrrrrs
Type of location: Workplace
Idea-fuelling beverage: Not a drop of anything
Likelihood of success: Yeah, maybe, perhaps
Mission deadline: now till Tues 31 July
Now I'm staring out at the clouds steaming ominously across the Crawley sky up towards London (just in time to dump their cargo on the punters knocking off early on a Friday), and I can feel the corners of my mouth creeping downwards. It reminds me of those old women you see on New York buses heading downtown from the Upper West Side, with their perfectly coiffured hair (untouchable), navy Hush Puppies and red lipstick that looks freshly applied, but which is already sliding into the set creases of their permanently disaproving lips. Down, down, down. Their husbands are dead, they have cats called Alfie and Mittens, they huff if a teenager brushes against their arm and their handbags are never without a fresh tissue. Yes, I can feel it happening. I'm becoming one of them, and it's starting with my lips.
I think it's time for chocolate. Mmm. Yes, I thought you'd agree. More Rolos? I had some earlier, just after lunch, which helps explain my super high. And this low too.
So no. Actually, stop right there. Don't you go leading me astray with just one of your more-ish-looking Champagne truffle chocolates that you brought back from Bruges. Because this mission, you see, is all about no sweets. And not only no chocolate, but none of those M&S white-chocolate coated strawberries (which incidentally, I think they've discontinued), no Rolos, no Polos and no chocolate-coated caramels (one of which whipped out one of the Buckwell's fillings out the other evening, cheeky devil). I am going to stop eating sweets and see if it helps my moods.
No confectionary at all for... um, till the end of the month! Lucky it's a weekend, so at least I can have alcohol. Whew.
Where mission was conceived: Aaaaaaastral Towerrrrrrs
Type of location: Workplace
Idea-fuelling beverage: Not a drop of anything
Likelihood of success: Yeah, maybe, perhaps
Mission deadline: now till Tues 31 July
Friday, 20 July 2007
Mission 006: Adding some spice
My life is pretty exciting. Today I am working from home because I had to wait for a new toilet system to be delivered. (This is my lunch break, FYI current and future employers.) Maybe it was because of my inspiring life that I thought of this mission - I'm not sure. But it came to me in a white-hot flash in between re-logging in to my work email (it logs me out every hour, annoyingly), and waiting for the inbox screen to load (2MB broadband, my derriere).
I am going to learn to tango.
I'm not quite sure what tango has to do with my work email, or the delivery of a toilet (wall hung pan, disappointingly cheap-looking chrome double flush button, bought on ebay), but it could be related to the vaguely Latino music we had playing yesterday at work. Actually, to be completely honest, this mission has been gestating for a good while now, ever since I read an article about themed breaks (learn spanish in Spain, tango in Argentina, whale-harpooning in Iceland) in a weekend paper's Travel section. The Latino music was probably just a slow-acting catalyst.
Of course, being a latent freeloader, I have found a free introductory class. It's in north London, so it will only cost £4 to get there and back, with no £10 class fee. A whopping saving of £6! Of course, then each subsequent class will cost £14 inc transport, so it is going to work out slightly more expensive in the long run. But no matter. I will be strutting my tango stuff across the floor. I will have added a dash of exhilarating latino spice to my life. And if the Buckwell decides to join me, we will be able to gaze into each others eyes on the dancefloor like they do in Dancing with the Stars. As long as he doesn't drop me.
We could look like this:
Where mission was conceived: Tapley House
Type of location: Home (office)
Idea-fuelling beverage: White tea
Likelihood of success: Definitely doable
Mission deadline: end of Sept 2007.
I am going to learn to tango.
I'm not quite sure what tango has to do with my work email, or the delivery of a toilet (wall hung pan, disappointingly cheap-looking chrome double flush button, bought on ebay), but it could be related to the vaguely Latino music we had playing yesterday at work. Actually, to be completely honest, this mission has been gestating for a good while now, ever since I read an article about themed breaks (learn spanish in Spain, tango in Argentina, whale-harpooning in Iceland) in a weekend paper's Travel section. The Latino music was probably just a slow-acting catalyst.
Of course, being a latent freeloader, I have found a free introductory class. It's in north London, so it will only cost £4 to get there and back, with no £10 class fee. A whopping saving of £6! Of course, then each subsequent class will cost £14 inc transport, so it is going to work out slightly more expensive in the long run. But no matter. I will be strutting my tango stuff across the floor. I will have added a dash of exhilarating latino spice to my life. And if the Buckwell decides to join me, we will be able to gaze into each others eyes on the dancefloor like they do in Dancing with the Stars. As long as he doesn't drop me.
We could look like this:
Where mission was conceived: Tapley House
Type of location: Home (office)
Idea-fuelling beverage: White tea
Likelihood of success: Definitely doable
Mission deadline: end of Sept 2007.
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
Miission 005: Woof, meow, squeak
My new mission is to acquire a pet. This is actually a joint mission with the Buckwell, who is suffering acute pet deprivation.
The main problem with this mission is that we're not really in a pet friendly situation, so we need a temporary pet. We have therefore identified our market as 'London pet rescue services' (as foster carers).
I've taken the liberty of doing a SWOT analysis for this mission - below.
See here if you're unfamiliar with entry level management tools:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swot_analysis
Strengths:
Ability to take a dog to work (the Buckwell)
Experience with a range of pets
Secure environment for a pet
No small children to pull tails or ears
Weaknesses:
Bad allergy to cats (me)
A small apartment with no outside space
Inability to take a dog to work (me)
Tendency to travel often and no one to feed the pet when we are away
Expensive furniture that could be scratched and ruined
No transport to collect pet or pet food
Opportunities:
Foster a small/invalid dog for Battersea Dogs Home
Foster a mother cat and kittens for a cat rescue centre
Foster a shy or unwell cat for another cat rescue charity
Threats:
Estate agents and prospective buyers coming to view our flat may not appreciate the presence of a litterbox
Reliance on charity to provide pet
No choice of pet could mean we end up with a dud
London weather can make walking a dog unpleasant
Where mission was conceived: 2nd floor, Astral Towers
Type of location: Workplace
Idea-fuelling beverage: Licorice tea (again)
Likelihood of success: 50/50 is probably slightly optimistic in London
Mission deadline: Sunday 25 Feb 2008.
The main problem with this mission is that we're not really in a pet friendly situation, so we need a temporary pet. We have therefore identified our market as 'London pet rescue services' (as foster carers).
I've taken the liberty of doing a SWOT analysis for this mission - below.
See here if you're unfamiliar with entry level management tools:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swot_analysis
Strengths:
Ability to take a dog to work (the Buckwell)
Experience with a range of pets
Secure environment for a pet
No small children to pull tails or ears
Weaknesses:
Bad allergy to cats (me)
A small apartment with no outside space
Inability to take a dog to work (me)
Tendency to travel often and no one to feed the pet when we are away
Expensive furniture that could be scratched and ruined
No transport to collect pet or pet food
Opportunities:
Foster a small/invalid dog for Battersea Dogs Home
Foster a mother cat and kittens for a cat rescue centre
Foster a shy or unwell cat for another cat rescue charity
Threats:
Estate agents and prospective buyers coming to view our flat may not appreciate the presence of a litterbox
Reliance on charity to provide pet
No choice of pet could mean we end up with a dud
London weather can make walking a dog unpleasant
Where mission was conceived: 2nd floor, Astral Towers
Type of location: Workplace
Idea-fuelling beverage: Licorice tea (again)
Likelihood of success: 50/50 is probably slightly optimistic in London
Mission deadline: Sunday 25 Feb 2008.
Mission update
I can now report that I had satisfying success in mission 004. I was able to use 'moustachioed' twice alone on Friday night, chalked two more usages up on Saturday, followed by one on Sunday (granted, that one did refer to myself - but don't worry, it's been dealt with).
This leaves me with 2 current missions:
Mission 001 (research completed, still to complete action stage)
Mission 002 (umm, this one's not doing so well yet, actually)
Mission 003 is now redundant, owing to the death (by accidental drought) of the malodorous plants.
This leaves me with 2 current missions:
Mission 001 (research completed, still to complete action stage)
Mission 002 (umm, this one's not doing so well yet, actually)
Mission 003 is now redundant, owing to the death (by accidental drought) of the malodorous plants.
Saturday, 7 July 2007
Mini-Mission 004
Moustachioed. Such a deeply satisfying word. I used it almost by accident earlier today, which has led me to my new mission - to use the word 'moustachioed' in normal conversation at least 5 times over the weekend.
Say it slowly with me now. Mou-stach-i-ooooed. What a lovely stretchy exercise for the mouth.
Given that I don't know anyone with a moustache, this could be a potentially difficult mission, but if times get tough, there is an Indian restuarant round the corner with a plentiful supply of moustaches on staff. I'm going to watch the Prologue for the Tour de France on Saturday, too, so there may be some gents - or ladies for that matter - with lip dusters in the crowds. So I think I should have enough material to work with.
Where mission was conceived: 2nd floor, Astral Towers
Type of location: Workplace
Likelihood of success: I give it 80/20
Mission deadline: Sunday 8 July.
Say it slowly with me now. Mou-stach-i-ooooed. What a lovely stretchy exercise for the mouth.
Given that I don't know anyone with a moustache, this could be a potentially difficult mission, but if times get tough, there is an Indian restuarant round the corner with a plentiful supply of moustaches on staff. I'm going to watch the Prologue for the Tour de France on Saturday, too, so there may be some gents - or ladies for that matter - with lip dusters in the crowds. So I think I should have enough material to work with.
Where mission was conceived: 2nd floor, Astral Towers
Type of location: Workplace
Likelihood of success: I give it 80/20
Mission deadline: Sunday 8 July.
Thursday, 5 July 2007
Mission 003
My nose has been offended.
At lunchtime today I marched (okay, was driven by Lady C) off to Homebase to get some plants for the soon to be balcony planting, intended as a townie nod to the rambling wildflower gardens currently in vogue. I picked up two each of gypsophilia and aster daisies, thinking that they'd add a splash of pretty English countryside to the balcony of our hulking 1930s building.
I got them back to the office and sat them by my desk. All was well in the garden of Astral Towers. But before too long I got a whiff of feet. Not mine. Not Mr Samuels. And not Lady C's, although she was the first suspect as her shoes were ones with lots of little holes in them. A mild inkling rumbled in my brain, and I bent down and took a sniff of the plants.
The asters smelt of ripe toes. The gypsophilia smelt like rank Stilton. Together, they were Death.
There is an estate agent coming tomorrow to value the flat before it goes on the market...and his first impression is going to be a ratty English countryside balcony that smells of long dead feet.
I must get some new plants for the balcony. And next time I must smell them before I buy them.
Where mission was conceived: 2nd floor, Astral Towers
Type of location: Workplace
Idea-fuelling beverage: Pure life-giving, odourless water
Estimated increase in quality of life I expect from the completed mission: Significant
Likelihood of success: It will happen or I will have to cut my nose off
Mission deadline: Sunday 8 July.
At lunchtime today I marched (okay, was driven by Lady C) off to Homebase to get some plants for the soon to be balcony planting, intended as a townie nod to the rambling wildflower gardens currently in vogue. I picked up two each of gypsophilia and aster daisies, thinking that they'd add a splash of pretty English countryside to the balcony of our hulking 1930s building.
I got them back to the office and sat them by my desk. All was well in the garden of Astral Towers. But before too long I got a whiff of feet. Not mine. Not Mr Samuels. And not Lady C's, although she was the first suspect as her shoes were ones with lots of little holes in them. A mild inkling rumbled in my brain, and I bent down and took a sniff of the plants.
The asters smelt of ripe toes. The gypsophilia smelt like rank Stilton. Together, they were Death.
There is an estate agent coming tomorrow to value the flat before it goes on the market...and his first impression is going to be a ratty English countryside balcony that smells of long dead feet.
I must get some new plants for the balcony. And next time I must smell them before I buy them.
Where mission was conceived: 2nd floor, Astral Towers
Type of location: Workplace
Idea-fuelling beverage: Pure life-giving, odourless water
Estimated increase in quality of life I expect from the completed mission: Significant
Likelihood of success: It will happen or I will have to cut my nose off
Mission deadline: Sunday 8 July.
Tuesday, 3 July 2007
Mission 002
New week. New mission. To eliminate, ok, maybe not eliminate...reduce the mind-bogglingly annoying and tedious neck and back tension that dogs my desk-bound life.
So what to do about it? Unfortunately I fear that on this occasion my genetics could have the last word, and my computer will have the penultimate one. My dear mother has been telling me about her neck and shoulder tension for about the last 25 years, to my knowledge. And there's a good chance she was also telling me about it for the previous 8, only I wasn't listening. As for the computer, it has me for least 9 hours a day, and that's not likely to change. Er, ...actually, I think I need to stop writing now as the only thing I'm doing so far is to talk myself out of this mission. So back to the action.
I am going to start yoga. Not the sticky, sweating, dirty-sounding Bikram yoga of Bikram Choudury fame. And probably not the chanting, calming, soothing Hatha yoga so beloved by breathy types with limpid eyes(I guess). I like the bendy, onomatopoetic, alluringly-exotic sound of Ashtanga yoga, and I've found a Thursday night class that offers it near London Bridge. It's all far too convenient and easy. So what's my excuse? I need a yoga buddy. So I'll need to convince the Buckwell to come along too. (Ah yes, you've found the mission fine print - my get-out clause.)
Where mission was conceived: 2nd floor, Astral Towers
Type of location: Workplace
Idea-fuelling beverage: Organic Licorice tea (really truly)
Estimated increase in quality of life I expect from the completed mission: Exponential
Likelihood of success: Mission possible but could be scuppered by my genetics
Mission deadline: Thursday 27 July.
So what to do about it? Unfortunately I fear that on this occasion my genetics could have the last word, and my computer will have the penultimate one. My dear mother has been telling me about her neck and shoulder tension for about the last 25 years, to my knowledge. And there's a good chance she was also telling me about it for the previous 8, only I wasn't listening. As for the computer, it has me for least 9 hours a day, and that's not likely to change. Er, ...actually, I think I need to stop writing now as the only thing I'm doing so far is to talk myself out of this mission. So back to the action.
I am going to start yoga. Not the sticky, sweating, dirty-sounding Bikram yoga of Bikram Choudury fame. And probably not the chanting, calming, soothing Hatha yoga so beloved by breathy types with limpid eyes(I guess). I like the bendy, onomatopoetic, alluringly-exotic sound of Ashtanga yoga, and I've found a Thursday night class that offers it near London Bridge. It's all far too convenient and easy. So what's my excuse? I need a yoga buddy. So I'll need to convince the Buckwell to come along too. (Ah yes, you've found the mission fine print - my get-out clause.)
Where mission was conceived: 2nd floor, Astral Towers
Type of location: Workplace
Idea-fuelling beverage: Organic Licorice tea (really truly)
Estimated increase in quality of life I expect from the completed mission: Exponential
Likelihood of success: Mission possible but could be scuppered by my genetics
Mission deadline: Thursday 27 July.
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